1. BIAFRA THING
Osibanjo: Baba, Olamide of YBNL Said That He runs mainland, should I go and arrest him before he starts something like biafra?
Buhari: Don’t worry, I will handle his case personally.
Buhari: Olamideee, finally we met. Are you the guy that wants to start something like biafra in mainland?
Olamide: No sir, It was a joke.
Buhari: You get luck, DSS for show you wetin fire dey do with rat ear.
2. PASTOR PRAYS RECHARGE CARD INTO PHONES
Osibanjo: Baba, A pastor just prayed recharge cards into phone?
Osibanjo: He prayed and recharge card entered his member’s phone
Buhari: Do they teach that in pastor school?
Osibanjo: No sir.
Buhari: Technically that is stealing, he stole from MTN and others. It is corruption, let me call obj.(on phone)OBJ, I heard that a pastor prayed credit into people’s phone, did something like that happen when you’re president?
OBJ: Nooo, it didn’t happen, pls handle this issue carefully oo, you know that people are criticizing you already. Why not call Jonathan? Many weird things happened when he was in power.
Buhari: Ok, I don’t want that man to corrupt my line but I think I need to call him, thanks for the advice, I will call him and buy a new line afterwards(hangs up, dials GEJ)Hello Jona, have you heard that a pastor prayed recharge card into people’s phones?
GEJ: Yes I have.
Buhari: Is that not corruption?
GEJ: It is called magic, not corruption Mr president.
Buhari: Do you know what magic can do to a broke country? Didn’t you watch Merlin?
GEJ: Magic is not corruption MR president, if you think say nah lie, ask Deziani Ali-(phone clicks)
Buhari: Nonsense, ask Deziani kee, you for tell me to go book appointment with corruption itself. (turns to Osibanjo) pls buy me a new line, this one is corrupt, pls tell the DSS to arrest the Pastor and detain him until all his church members return the looted credit.
3. PASTOR TURNS BOTTLED WATER TO WINE
Lai Mohamed: Mr president are you on YouTube?
Buhari: No, my Facebook is not working, what is happening on YouTube?
Lai: A PDP pastor just prayed over bottled water and it turned to wine and he sold 10 thousand bottles of it to some members of his church.
Buhari: For how much?
Lai: 2k per bottle.
Buhari: That’s exploitation and corruption. Did he register the wine with NAFDAC?
Lai: No Mr President.
Buhari: Then tell DSS to arrest him immediately for selling fake and unbranded wine to vulnerable Nigerians. I will contact NAFDAC chairman immediately.
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Happy Birthday Buddy!!